1. Turn your student invocation into an attack on the "worship of the intellectual mind" which is what everybody present is celebrating, really.
2. Go on for a long, droning, unbearable time.
3. Finish with a sobbing seizure in the the blood of the lamb.
4. Force call for ambulance over public address system.
5. Christianity jackpot!
(Tipped by JMG reader Michael)
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