Jim Garlow: Satan Loves Gay Marriage

Three-time Hairpiece Olympics gold medalist Pastor Jim Garlow tells his followers that Satan himself is behind the national marriage equality movement. Oh, and all that fucking done on Earth is nothing like the Celestial Orgy you'll have with Jeebus.

Think of the best marriage you know of on Earth and God is so gracious he says I want you to have an appetizer for the main course so I'm going to establish male and female coming together on Earth and the ecstasy and joy that you experience spiritually, physically, and emotionally, that oneness, that's a depiction of what it's going to be like because you can't grasp because it's a mystery what it's like when Jesus and the church come together. [snip]

People say why is there not sexual expression in Heaven? There's the delight and joy equivalency of that as we delight in, literally, the presence of God. It will be an amazing, absolutely amazing moment. That is why we use marital bed language to talk about this, we talk about the consummation of history, the climax of history. Those are languages associated with the marital bed that is now associated with history. So if I were Satan, if I were the Devil, I'd want to destroy the imagery of male and female coming together with light and joy, covenantal marriage on Earth, so people would not grasp what it might be like at the End Time, what it will be like when Jesus and the church come together.

PhoboQuotable - Pastor Jim Garlow

"When these pastors would complete their sermons, they would take off their black robes -- they preached in vestments at those times - and underneath that would be the attire of military. They would pick up a musket and ask: 'Who's going to go fight with me?' And so the revolutionary armies during that time came from pastors leading the churches. It's known as the Blacked-Robed Regiment. And we need a black-robed regiment today. We need pastors who are willing to stand up. And we need persons who are in the pews to stand up with them -- a black-robed regiment of laypersons -- who's going to take a like stand." - Manhattan Declaration co-author Pastor Jim Garlow, calling on the nation's Christians to rise up against homosexuals and other equality-minded people.

For those unaware, the Manhattan Declaration calls on Americans to disobey all LGBT rights laws. Garlow and his followers just completed a 40-day period of fasting and prayers that Jeebus will see fit to smite the gay rights movement.