Ted Haggard: I'm Bisexual And I Totally Used That Crystal Meth I Bought

In a profile published by GQ Magazine, disgraced televangelist Ted Haggard announces that he's bisexual. And that he and escort Mike Jones didn't have sex, Jones just jerked him off. Which somehow isn't sex in Haggard's world. But about that crystal meth that Haggard famously claimed he bought to "throw away"? Yeah, he totally snorted it.

"I think that probably, if I were 21 in this society, I would identify myself as a bisexual." But, he told GQ's Kevin Roose: "I'm 54, with children, with a belief system, and I can have enforced boundaries in my life. Just like you're a heterosexual but you don't have sex with every woman that you're attracted to, so I can be who I am and exclusively have sex with my wife and be perfectly satisfied." About former meth dealer and escort Mike Jones, Haggard says: "We never had sex sex. I bought drugs and a massage from him, and he masturbated me at the end of it. That's it." [snip]

He admitted to buying drugs "five or six times" from Jones, but adds: "Sometimes I'd throw it away. Other times, I'd go someplace and masturbate and use it. But it was for masturbation. And that's one of the reasons why I haven't been real clear. I don't want to stand up publicly and say, 'Hey, I'm a masturbation guy!" "You know, that's really the core issue here," he added. "I bought the drugs to enhance masturbation. Because what crystal meth does--Mike taught me this--crystal meth makes it so you don't ejaculate soon. So you can watch porn and masturbate for a long time."

And now he's said what everybody in the world has always known. Oh, bravo.