Intercourse The Penguin

According to a pastoral letter issued by Archbishop Michael Miller and the Canadian Conference of Catholic Bishops, the only kind of fucking that is holy is vaginal procreative fucking. No blowjobs, no butt sex, please!

Married people living chastely can have vibrant sex lives. In the relationship between a man and a woman, chastity helps them love each other as persons rather than make each other an object of pleasure or satisfaction. Despite what the media and Hollywood suggest, the value of sexual intercourse does not lie in recreation, or physical gratification. Any physical pleasure should lead toward the ultimate expression of love between husband and wife, the total self-giving of one person to another. Sexual intercourse in marriage can be so intimate that it becomes an emotional, intellectual, physical and spiritual experience. It strengthens and completes the bond of marriage. That is why the sexual act has to be unitive and procreative and why some kinds of sexual activity are not chaste. Though pleasure may be present, some acts are a misuse of sex when they fall short of what God intends.

Maggie will be so pleased!

Maggie Gallagher: Ladies, Butt Sex Is The Wrong Way To Please Your Man

"Anal sex is painful, unsanitary, unsatisfying for women, and creates unique risks for serious physical diseases (if you doubt me, go read the Wikipedia entry on the subject) because the anus is not designed for sexual intercourse, increasing the risk of torn flesh and the intermingling of bodily fluids -- blood, semen, fecal matter -- that can spread an astonishing variety of diseases. The female partner is far more at risk than the man in these encounters. This should be a feminist issue. But women are doing it to please their boyfriends. Because we have created a sexual culture that empowers young males (even as it stunts their incentives to grow to become successful, confident and happy family men) and disempowers women." - Maggie Gallagher, in a Real Clear Politics column against abortion.

Out Magazine Releases Sex Survey

Out Magazine has issued its first-ever sex survey of its readers. The sample size is small, 1000 people, and the results are only indicative of folks who read Out, not the LGBT population as a whole. Still, there's some interesting factoids such as the above.

Poppers May Damage Your Eyes

From a little-noticed October story in the New York Times:

In a letter to The New England Journal of Medicine, the ophthalmologists describe four cases over three months in which patients’ vision was affected after they used poppers at parties. Several complained of seeing bright dots of light, and retinal imaging revealed damage to the photoreceptors in the fovea, part of the retina that is responsible for the sharp central vision needed for driving or reading. Two of the patients’ vision returned to normal over time, though their retinas may still have sustained damage, the doctors said. In one, a 27-year-old woman, the impairment persisted for at least a month. The damage may occur because nitric oxide affects photoreceptor function and metabolism, the doctors said.

Doctors say the problem is probably very underreported.

Top Ten Cities For Sexy Time

Another day, another meaningless list to chew on. Men's Health has ranked 100 U.S. cities for a list called "Hotbeds Of Sex." Cities were ranked based on "condom sales, birthrates, sex toy sales and rates of sexually transmitted diseases." Here's the top ten.

1. Austin, TX
2. Dallas, TX
3. Columbus, OH
4. Durham, NC
5. Denver, CO
6. Indianapolis, IN
7. Arlington, TX
8. Oklahoma City, OK
9. Bakersfield, CA
10. Houston, TX

That's an awful lot of Texas. NYC is way down at #73.

Quote Of The Day - Christina Aguilera

"I love giving my male friends advice. And when I need advice myself? I go to my gay guy friends. They're very understanding and they are often coming from the same perspective. Who's better at giving advice, gay or straight guys? Well, that depends on the advice you're looking for. If it's bedroom-related, my gay friends are the best. They just lay it out there!" - Christina Aguilera, speaking to Cosmopolitan.

Aguilera's movie with Cher, Burlesque, opens on November 24th. It will be her acting debut.

Size Matters

Salon reports that Turkish researchers have concluded that longer sexual stamina is correlated to increased body weight. But the reason that bigger dudes last longer may not be that sexy (for some).

Men with excess body fat last longer in bed. In fact, heavier men were able to make love for an average of 7.3 minutes, while slender men could count themselves lucky if they held on for a mere 108 seconds. The reason? Female hormones. Men with excess fat showed higher levels of the female estradiol sex hormone. This substance apparently disrupted their bodies' natural "male" neurotransmitter chemicals and slowed their progression towards orgasm. Ironically, the less masculine their bodies appeared, the better lovers they proved to be.

Expect this story to dominate the tabloids for a few days, but be aware that the study only involved about 200 men.

TORONTO: Gay Bathhouse Closes To Become Heterosexual Bathhouse

Toronto's oldest gay bathhouse, Club Toronto, has closed to become an "upscale swinger's club," the fancy name for a straight bathhouse.

On April Fool’s Day, a hand-written note appeared on the red door of Club Toronto reading simply, “Closed forever.” It was no joke. After 37 years as a bathhouse, the large brick house at Mutual and Carlton streets is being gutted to make way, according to the landlord, for an upscale swingers’ club. When it opened in the summer of 1973 as the Club Baths, it offered a unique blend of sexual and social interaction for gay men. “It was a great place to be in the 1970s and ’80s,” says former regular Freddy Strickland, a retired meat inspector. “It was my home away from home — movies, saunas, meeting interesting people and relaxing in the whirlpool. It was one of the most important places for me then.” “What many people don’t realize was that for many closeted gay men, Club Toronto was as much social-psychological refuge as it was a place to get off,” says Rick Stenhouse, who worked at Club Toronto in 1973.

Read the above-linked story for a fascinating retelling of the infamous 1981 raid of five Toronto bathhouses, in which over 300 gay men were arrested.

The Next Step In Internet Lovin'

You just know the internet porn industry has got their eyes on this one.

Hong Kong scientists have developed a robotic hand that allows people talking over the web to experience the sensation of touching each other — even feeling the strength of a handshake. The cyber hand can grip and shake as well as make the signs for OK and 'V' for victory. Professor Liu Yunhui, who led researchers from the Chinese University of Hong Kong, said: "At this moment the function is not perfect and it can't copy exactly, partly because the robot hand is different from the human hand in terms of the degree of freedom of movement it has.

I give it three years before cyberhands are a basic feature of hookup sites. Maybe sooner. The above rudimentary model goes on sale at the end of this year at the startlingly low price of $35.

Elective Rectal Cleansing

Portfolio points us to a new Fleet disposable douche campaign targeted at gay men. Fleet's new product is for "elective rectal cleansing."

“We’ve always known that some of our consumers were using Fleet enemas for reasons other than to relieve constipation, so we wanted to develop a product that would meet the needs of those users and provide them with a safe way to cleanse and frequently if desired,” [Fleet brand manager Emily] Klopp said. Fleet sells about $30 million in enemas annually and dominates the market, Klopp said. It’s unclear the exact size of the market because Wal-Mart and other stores sell private-label brands and do not disclose their sales. The new version hits shelves at CVS drug stores and Target this month, followed by Walgreens next month and Rite-Aid in June. Wal-Mart is the only major retailer so far to balk at carrying it, Klopp said.

The company commissioned polling firm Harris Interactive last year to research the market potential and found that 3.7 percent of the general population had used an enema to “electively rectally cleanse” in the prior year. A study focusing specifically on gay and bisexual men found 21 percent of them had done so. Yet Harris found the two populations do so for different reasons: 80 percent of the general population said they used an enema for “health and well-being” while 87 percent of gay and bisexual men said they did so as a precursor to “anal intimacy.” About 38 percent of the general population said they used enemas for “anal intimacy”; respondents were permitted to select more than one answer.

Fleet Naturals contains no laxative and the tip has a condom-safe lubricant, so clearly they've done their homework. Hit the link for more info and for other images from the campaign. And we should definitely send a case to New Hampshire Rep. Nancy "Wriggling In Excrement" Elliot.