TEXAS: House Bans "Offensive" Patdowns By Airport Security

The GOP-dominated Texas House has made it a crime to touch your junk during an airport security patdown.

Approved late Thursday night, the measure makes it illegal for anyone conducting searches to touch “the anus, sexual organ, buttocks, or breast of another person” including through clothing. It also prohibits searches “that would be offensive to a reasonable person.” The bill’s chief sponsor is Republican Rep. David Simpson, who said, “this has to do with dignity and travel, and prohibiting indecent, groping searches.” He believes it will keep Transportation Security Administration officials from treating travelers like criminals, though the measure may be superseded by federal law.

Scanned And Felt Up

Coming home from San Francisco last night I finally had my first trip through one of them there full body scanners, after which I got the complete junk inspection from an elderly TSA agent who looked startlingly like Morgan Freeman. The agent was as pleasant as can be, considering, and I was surprised at how nonchalant I felt while being felt up by a septuagenarian in the middle of a busy airport. The whole thing is a ridiculous and probably ineffective exercise, to be sure, but I really can't see the point of cursing out the miserable agents, as the woman behind me did at great length. Complain to the people who can actually make changes, folks.

The Venn Diagram Of Junk Touchers

Kinsey Sicks - Touch-a Touch Me

(Tipped by JMG reader Spencer)

Tweet Of The Day - Fake TSA

Runner-up: "TSA Advisory: Children who opt-out of scans will be told Santa is dead."

A Message From Transport Canada

(Via - AmericaBlog)

Taiwan's Animators Cover TSA Story

I'm trying really hard (but mostly failing) to get all revved up about the "national outrage" on TSA scanning and searches.

Porno Pete LaBarbera: Gay TSA Agents Totally Want To Touch Your Junk

Writing from his dildo-strewn basement dungeon in the suburbs of Chicago, Porno Pete LaBarbera is freaking out over Janet Napolitano's assurance that all airport security pat-downs will be done by agents of the same gender as the passenger. Because that's exactly what all those queer TSA agents are hoping for!

“But what about homosexual TSA agents?” AFTAH President Peter LaBarbera responded. “Isn’t it just as inappropriate for a ‘gay’ male TSA agent to pat down male travelers as it is for a normal, heterosexual male TSA agent to pat down female travelers? “The reality is, most traveling men would not want Barney Frank to pat them down at the airport security checkpoint,” LaBarbera said. “Neither would it be fair to assign Ellen DeGeneres to pat down female travelers. (In the same vein, the Army should no more force normal male soldiers to shower and bunk with homosexual male soldiers than it would force females soldiers to bunk and shower with their male counterparts.)” [snip] “To allow homosexual agents to conduct same-gender pat-downs is tantamount to a new form of discrimination that must be recognized and prevented.”

According to Porno Pete, the answer is "common sense, healthy, discrimination" essentially barring gay people from working for the TSA.

Inevitable T-Shirt Sloganeering

It's the new "Don't tase me, bro!"

No More Flying With Toner

Homeland Security announced today that effective immediately you can no longer bring toner or ink cartridges weighing more than one pound onto your plane. Not that anybody was actually doing that.

The ban, announced today by Homeland Security Secretary Janet Napolitano, also covers other cargo deemed high-risk. The changes follow the discovery of bombs concealed in ink cartridges on a U.S.-bound flight from the Middle East. The bombs, which contained PETN, are believed to be part of a Yemen-based plot. "These security measures reflect our commitment to using current intelligence to stay ahead of adversaries," Napolitano said, according to Bloomberg.

What are they going to do when they find the first iPhone bomb?

A Hat, A Brooch, A Pterodactyl

Over at Boy Culture, Matthew Rettenmund thinks JetBlue flight attendant Steven Slater could play Johnny in a remake of Airplane! Below is Young Turks host Cent Uygur's take on the incident.

Rep. Louis Gohmert: Obama Would Support Terrorists Beating TSA Agents

Rep. Louie Gohmert (R-TX) says that the president would probably have no problem with terrorists beating TSA agents, since he (Gohmert says) has no problem with terrorists evading the Gaza blockade.