Pope Ratzi: Same-Sex Marriage Perverts The Meaning And Goals Of Families

Emperor Palpatine yesterday issued yet another attack on same-sex marriage, saying that the effort to legalize gay unions "perverts" the meaning of the word "family."

Addressing officials from the city of Rome and the Italian region of Lazio, Pope Benedict said that legislation and policies that promote same-sex unions end up “penalizing” heterosexual couples, “who, not without effort, seek to maintain stable emotional ties which are juridically guaranteed and publicly recognized.” “To this end,” he stressed, “the various components of society must agree on the objectives of education, in order for human love not to be reduced to an article of consumption, but to be seen and lived as a fundamental experience which gives existence meaning and a goal.”

Ill Papa made his comments in a traditional exchange of New Year messages with the mayor of Rome.

Vatican To Beatify Pope John Paul II

Emperor Palpatine has waived the traditional five year post-death waiting period and is moving to have Pope John Paul II named a saint. Because he was a miracle worker. Literally.

The pope on Friday signed off on the miracle needed to beatify Pope John Paul II, and set May 1 as the date to honor one of the most beloved popes of all times as a model of saintliness for the church. Pope Benedict XVI said in a decree that a French nun's recovery from Parkinson's disease was miraculous, the last step needed for beatification. A second miracle is needed for the Polish-born John Paul to be made a saint. The May 1 ceremony, which Benedict himself will celebrate, is expected to draw hundreds of thousands of pilgrims to Rome — a major morale boost for a church reeling from a wave of violence against Christians and fallout from the clerical sex abuse scandal.

Victims of abuse at the hands of Catholic clergy are denouncing the beatification, noting that thousands of incidents of child molestation were covered up by Catholic authorities during John Paul's reign.

SPAIN: Pope Blesses Anti-Gay Rally

Yesterday Pope Benedict spoke via satellite from the Vatican to bless the hundreds of thousands gathered at a massive annual anti-gay marriage rally in Madrid. The rally was sponsored by the Archdiocese of Madrid with the support of the Popular Party, Spain's right-wing movement which has vowed to overturn same-sex marriage.

Organized by the Archdiocese of Madrid and Cardinal Antonio Rouco Varela under the motto ‘The Christian Family: the hope of Europe,’ the event began at 10 AM in the Plaza de Colon. The cardinal, in the company of fifty bishops from Spain, France, The Netherlands, and as far away as Poland, celebrated Mass on an elevated dais that was surmounted by a white cross some sixty feet tall. Also present were the thousands of lay people, including small children, representing not only Spain, but also various other countries and represented by their national flags. Bishop José Ignacio Munilla of San Sebastian called on participants to offer “testimony that encourage us, because what is being offered in the media is an untruthful model of unstructured family. We want a real family model that encourages us, testimony from exemplary families. Secondly, prayer that is offered communally has a very special power and the more people united in communion the more power there will be to foster a stable family.”

The below clip is from the Vatican's official YouTube channel.

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Pope Ratzi: Christians Are The Most Persecuted People In The Entire World

Emperor Palpatine says that Christians are persecuted more than any group of people in the world. Gays? Nah. Jews? Huh-uh. Christians.

"At present, Christians are the religious group which suffers most from persecution on account of its faith," the pontiff asserted, and cited Christian communities suffering from violence and intolerance particularly in Asia, Africa, the Middle East and the Holy Land. "This situation is intolerable, since it represents an insult to God and to human dignity" as well as "a threat to security and peace," Benedict wrote in one of the 17-page-long message's strongest passages. He appealed to authorities to "act promptly to end every injustice" against Christians. Benedict didn't cite countries, but in past years church officials have lamented that Christians — most of them migrant workers — are forbidden to worship in Saudi Arabia. He blasted what he called "more sophisticated forms of hostility to religion, which, in Western countries, occasionally find expression in a denial of history and the rejection of religious symbols which reflect the identity and the culture of the majority of its citizens."

(Tipped by JMG reader Mark)

Ill Papa Enjoys Stripping Acrobats

Innnnteresting, innit?

(Via - Andrew Sullivan)

Pope Benedict: Even If God Did Make You Gay, You Still Should Not Be Gay

In another excerpt from his coming book/interview, Pope Benedict says that he doesn't know if people are born gay or not. But even if God did make you this way, you shouldn't BE this way. Or something.

He said it was still an open question whether homosexual inclinations are innate or arise early in life. In any case, he said, if these are strong inclinations, it represents "a great trial" for the homosexual. "But this does not mean that homosexuality thereby becomes morally right. Rather, it remains contrary to the essence of what God originally willed," he said.

Remember, God doesn't make mistakes. But if he DOES make mistakes, that's your problem to deal with. Benedict also says there's no inherent contradiction in calling homosexuals "intrinsically disordered" and still offering them respect. Got that? Yes, you are a mentally ill freak. But we mean that in the nicest way.

Pope OKs Condom Use For Male Hookers

In a bizarre interview with a German journalist, Emperor Palpatine has decreed for the first time that the usage of condoms is now sanctioned by the Catholic Church in "certain circumstances." The "for example" he uses? Male hookers!

To illustrate his apparent shift in position, Benedict offered the example of a male prostitute using a condom. "There may be justified individual cases, for example when a male prostitute uses a condom, where this can be ... a first bit of responsibility, to re-develop the understanding that not everything is permitted and that one may not do everything one wishes," Benedict was quoted as saying. "But it is not the proper way to deal with the horror of HIV infection." Benedict reiterated that condom use alone would not solve the problem of HIV/AIDS. "More must happen," he said. Becoming simply fixated on the issue of condoms makes sexuality more banal and exactly this is the reason why so many people no longer find sexuality to be an expression of their love, but a type of self-administered drug."

The interview will be published in book form and will be translated into 18 languages.

BRITAIN: 20,000 Protest The Pope

Over 20,000 people attended this weekend's "Protest The Pope" rally in London, where noted atheist Richard Dawkins slammed the the pontiff for blaming Hitler on atheism. More great photos from the rally are here.

Catholic League Nutter Bill Donohue: Atheists Should Apologize For Adolf Hitler

"The pope cited Hitler today, asking everyone to 'reflect on the sobering lessons of atheist extremism of the 20th century.' Immediately, the British Humanist Association got its back up, accusing the pope of 'a terrible libel against those who do not believe in God.' The pope did not go far enough. Radical atheists like the British Humanist Association should apologize for Hitler. But they should not stop there. They also need to issue an apology for the 67 million innocent men, women and children murdered under Stalin, and the 77 million innocent Chinese killed by Mao. Hitler, Stalin and Mao were all driven by a radical atheism, a militant and fundamentally dogmatic brand of secular extremism. It was this anti-religious impulse that allowed them to become mass murderers. By contrast, a grand total of 1,394 were killed during the 250 years of the Inquisition, most all of whom were murdered by secular authorities." - Catholic League nutjob Bill Donohue.

FACT CHECK: As Donohue knows, Hitler was in fact a Catholic JUST LIKE BILL DONOHUE and sang in the choir at the Benedictine monastery he attended as a child.

Hitler publicly denounced atheism as inherently communist. "For eight months we have been waging a heroic battle against the Communist threat to our Volk, the decomposition of our culture, the subversion of our art, and the poisoning of our public morality. We have put an end to denial of God and abuse of religion. We owe Providence humble gratitude for not allowing us to lose our battle against the misery of unemployment and for the salvation of the German peasant."

The Catholic Hitler also denounced secular education. "Secular schools can never be tolerated because such schools have no religious instruction, and a general moral instruction without a religious foundation is built on air; consequently, all character training and religion must be derived from faith."

Here's your precious fucking Pope, Bill!

Three Angelic Hotties Were Waiting For The Pope As He "Swished By" In Britain

The gay dating site Gaydar stationed the above winged hotties on the Pope's route today. Via press release:

It's day two of the Pope Benedict's state visit to the UK. This morning he visited St. Mary's University in Twickenham, the same town where gay dating megasite Gaydar.net* is based. On arrival he was met by a large crowd of protestors, including a posse of Gaydar Angels, sent down to underscore the Pontiff's anti-gay stance. Much to the amusement of the gathered press, his procession took him past Gaydar's flock of winged muscle boys and not the eagerly waiting nuns at the other end of the street!

Do angels wear codpieces? More photos at the link.

HomoQuotable - Andrew Sullivan

"It seems pretty obvious to me...that the current Pope is a gay man (just as it was blindingly clear that John Paul II was straight). I am not claiming that Benedict is someone who has explored his sexuality, or has violated his own strictures on the matter. There is absolutely no evidence of that, or of hypocrisy of any sort. But that does not mean that he isn't gay.

"In fact, Ratzinger's command that gay priests should actively lie about their orientation makes any public statement about this on its face lacking in credibility. But when you look at the Pope's mental architecture (I've read a great deal of his writing over the last two decades) you do see that strong internal repression does make sense of his life and beliefs. At times, it seems to me, his gayness is almost wince-inducing. The prissy fastidiousness, the effeminate voice, the fixation on liturgy and ritual, and the over-the-top clothing accessories are one thing.

"But what resonates with me the most is a theology that seems crafted from solitary introspection into a perfect, abstract unity of belief. It is so perfect it reflects a life of withdrawal from the world of human relationship, rather than an interaction with it. Of course, this kind of work is not inherently homosexual; but I have known so many repressed gay men who can only live without severe pain in the world if they create a perfect abstraction of what it is, and what their role is in it." - Andrew Sullivan.

SUPREME COURT: The Vatican Is Not Immune To U.S. Pedophilia Lawsuits

Wow. The Supreme Court has rejected an appeal from the Vatican, which was attempting to shield itself from child molestation lawsuits in the United States.

The U.S. Supreme Court refused on Monday to consider whether the Vatican has legal immunity over the sexual abuse of minors by priests in the United States, allowing a lawsuit filed in 2002 to go forward. The nation's highest court, asked to rule on a U.S. appeals court decision that cleared the way for the lawsuit to proceed, rejected the Vatican's immunity appeal without comment. The lawsuit, filed by a plaintiff identified only as John Doe, claimed he was sexually abused on several occasions in the mid-1960s when he was 15 or 16 by a Roman Catholic priest named Father Andrew Ronan. According to court documents, Ronan molested boys in the mid-1950s as a priest in Ireland and then in Chicago before his transfer to a church in Portland, Oregon, where he allegedly abused the victim who filed the lawsuit. Ronan died in 1992. The Vatican claimed immunity under a U.S. law, the Foreign Sovereign Immunities Act of 1976, that allows foreign states to avoid being sued in court. But the law contains exceptions. The appeals court cited one of those, ruling the lawsuit has sufficiently alleged that Ronan was an employee of the Vatican acting within the scope of his employment under Oregon law.

The lawyer for the above-cited Oregon case says he plans to depose Pope Benedict. "I won't start with him; I'm going to work my way up. But this ruling gives me the ability to depose anybody within the organization who has knowledge about the events."

Survivors Network of those Abused by Priests (SNAP) reacts: "The Supreme Court's decision gives hope to hundreds of thousands of clergy sex abuse victims across the globe who know lies remain under wraps at the Vatican and will only be unearthed through persistent action by secular justice officials and systems."

Pope Prays For Forgiveness For Sexual Molestations By Priests

The beauty of Catholicism is that perpetual clean slate.

Pope Benedict begged forgiveness from God and victims of child sexual abuse by priests on Friday and vowed that the Catholic Church would do everything in its power to ensure that it never happens again. Benedict made his comments, some of his clearest ever about the scandal that has swept the Church around the world, during a homily in St Peter's Square to conclude the Roman Catholic Church's "Year of the Priest" celebrations. Wearing white and gold vestments as he spoke to some 15,000 priests, Benedict said the year that was to have celebrated the priesthood had been marred because "the sins of priests came to light, particularly the abuse of the little ones." "We too insistently beg forgiveness from God and from the persons involved, while promising to do everything possible to ensure that such abuse will never occur again," he said.

In today's sermon, Ill Papa also promised stronger screening of applicants so that only the most determined pedophiles get hired.

BRITAIN: Gay Activist Peter Tatchell To Host Show About Papal Visit

UK television network Channel 4 has hired famed gay activist Peter Tatchell to host an hour-long documentary examing the Pope's upcoming visit to Britain. And the nation's Catholics are very displeased.

Ann Widdecombe, the Tory politician who famously converted to Catholicism, said: “I think this will confirm the view that there probably already is in the Vatican that this is a profoundly anti-Catholic country. I wouldn’t call this the right thing for any serious broadcaster to do, but they’re doing it for the publicity, they’re doing it to stir up controversy. Mr Tatchell certainly won’t be sympathetic to his subject, so what’s the point of doing it? It won’t be skeptical, it will be hostile.” Christina Odone, the Catholic writer, said: “Peter himself would be the first to admit that he is no authority on the subject. And perhaps it would be good, rather than have some polemical, knee-jerk reaction to the Pope if Channel 4 would be interested in actually shedding light on a figure who is so important, and so often misinterpreted and misunderstood - and of whom more needs to be known. I don’t think the founding father of [gay rights pressure group] Outrage! is the right person for this.” “It’s really awful,” said Jack Valero, a prominent member of Opus Dei. “Any idea that Mr Tatchell can be impartial in presenting a programme about the Pope coming here - it’s just amazing that anybody could think that.”

Tatchell says: "This will be a robustly factual programme that explores the Pope’s personal, religious and political journey since the 1930s, as well as the motives and effects of his controversial policies." He has previously denounced the Vatican as virulently homophobic and "morally bankrupt."

PORTUGAL: Pope Warns Against "Insidious Threat" Of Gay Marriage

Today Emperor Palpatine urged the Portuguese people to oppose the marriage equality bill recently approved by the nation's legislature, calling it an "insidious" threat to society.

The pope, wrapping up his trip to this country where more than 90 percent of the population is officially Catholic, made his appeal in the shrine city of Fatima on a day that started with a Mass attended by up to half a million people. In his afternoon address to Catholic charity and social workers, the 83-year-old German pope said he "deeply appreciated" initiatives aimed at defending what he said were "essential and primary values of life." Among these values, he said, was "the family, founded on indissoluble marriage between a man and a woman," which is Vatican-speak for its opposition to gay marriage. The audience applauded when the pope said abortion -- which has been legal in Portugal since 2007 -- and threats to heterosexual marriage were "among some of the most insidious and dangerous challenges facing the common good today."

Portugal's president is being pressured by the Vatican to veto the marriage equality bill, although it's widely expected that his veto will be overridden by the parliament.

Vatican Threatens To Cancel UK Papal Visit Over Mocking Government Memo

The Vatican is threatening to cancel the Pope's upcoming visit to Britain after the publication of an internal memo suggesting some fabulous activities for Palpatine during his visit.

The memo was sent out in March following a “brainstorm” session by four junior Foreign Office staff who make up the Papal Visit Team. The “official” memos suggests the Pope opening an abortion ward; spending the night in a council flat in Bradford; doing forward rolls with children to promote healthy living and performing a duet with the Queen (changing the British national anthem from God save the Queen to God save the world). The ideas doesn’t stop here. The clever gentlemen suggests the Pope should launch a new brand of condoms called “Benedict”, the memo also proposed that the Pope should “announce sacking of dodgy bishops”, sponsor a network of AIDS clinics, bless a gay marriage and conduct a training course for bishops on child abuse allegations.

The British government has reassigned those responsible for the memo and has issued an abject apology to the Vatican.

UPDATE: According to the Guardian UK, the Vatican has just confirmed that the Pope will visit after all.

The pope's visit to Britain will not be affected by the disclosure of a Foreign Office document mocking the Catholic Church, the Vatican said today. Vatican spokesman Father Federico Lombardi had noted the Foreign Office apology and said the paper would have "absolutely" no impact on Benedict XVI's visit in September, an official confirmed.

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Richard Dawkins: I Will Have The Pope Arrested For Crimes Against Humanity

Famed British atheist Richard Dawkins says he plans to have the Pope arrested and charged with crimes against humanity when Ill Papa visits England in September.

Dawkins and Christopher Hitchens, the atheist author, have asked human rights lawyers to produce a case for charging Pope Benedict XVI over his alleged cover-up of sexual abuse in the Catholic church. The pair believe they can exploit the same legal principle used to arrest Augusto Pinochet, the late Chilean dictator, when he visited Britain in 1998. The Pope was embroiled in new controversy this weekend over a letter he signed arguing that the “good of the universal church” should be considered against the defrocking of an American priest who committed sex offences against two boys. It was dated 1985, when he was in charge of the Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith, which deals with sex abuse cases. Benedict will be in Britain between September 16 and 19, visiting London, Glasgow and Coventry, where he will beatify Cardinal John Henry Newman, the 19th-century theologian. Dawkins and Hitchens believe the Pope would be unable to claim diplomatic immunity from arrest because, although his tour is categorised as a state visit, he is not the head of a state recognised by the United Nations.

(Tipped by JMG reader Robert)

Photo Of The Day - Papal Proof

The above is Pope Ratzinger's signature on a 1985 letter blocking the defrocking of a California priest convicted of child molestation. The letter, written in Latin, expresses concern "for the universal good of the Church." The Vatican has confirmed the authenticity of the letter.